Loving You/ Part 1: The Amazing Feeling of Self Esteem


I love it when I get feedback from women and they let me know the types of things that are on their mind. So a collection of women were asked the types of things they want to read about in a blog when it comes to women’s issues and one of the topics that came up was self esteem.

I feel like as women we are always challenged when it come to our own self esteem. It’s like when we’re up, we’re up, but when something causes us to come down off that high, we begin to see ourselves differently and it shouldn’t be that easy.

The fact that we are living in a society ran by social media and are exposed to what is considered to be “perfect” on a regular basis, seems to sometimes do more harm than good. Who decides what is perfect anyway? Who says that the Instagram models and size 3 celebrities are the epitome of perfection? Who decides what age you SHOULD be married by? Who comes up with this stuff……

I would like to invite you to think about something…really think about the world and just how many different women there are. Think about all the women that are aiming to look like or be like someone specific and then ask yourself, what would make the two of them independently special if they were just alike? We are all meant to be different, be unique, be exactly who we are.

Think about yourself and all of your flaws, and all of your beauty. Think about each and everything about you that make you YOU. I’m talking way deeper than just skin deep beauty, I’m talking about everything down to your core. Your intelligence, and your kindness. Your wisdom and your strength. Your determination and your drive.

You were created carefully and specifically for a purpose, so I want you to get away from any ideas that who you are, what you look like, what your talents are, or what you’ve gained and/or lost is not the ideal picture of perfection because you truly are amazing just the way your are. Perfection is actually non-existent if you ask me.

I feel as women we sometimes tend to cut ourselves short and cheat ourselves from what we truly are, which is the prize. The crazy thing is that I think often we do this subconsciously. We do this by the way we “jokingly” talk about ourselves. We do this by the way we fail to take care of ourselves. We even do this when we choose to become involved with men who simply aren’t truly on our levels. They aren’t deserving of what we have to offer, but many of us settle into these relationships to avoid being alone, or just to say we have someone, sometimes even just to physically satisfy them, knowing that he wants nothing more from you.

Let me break THAT part down, because some may wonder how that correlates to our self esteem. Well I say that because I feel a woman that is 100% confident in herself with no self esteem issues wouldn’t just settle. Bold statement I know, but why else would you let a man blatantly disrespect your crown..and by disrespect your crown that can mean MANY things, from the way we allow them to take advantage of our kindness, all the way down to physical disrespect or abuse. What is it within us that is unsure about ourselves and our capability to be with the man we deserve? That’s not an easy question to answer..I did it for over 3 years and I’m just realizing after the fourth year what my issue was. I was scared that I would miss out. I was scared that this “thing”, this feeling wouldn’t come around again, and that I was getting to an age where I should already be in a committed relationship, so I ignored all the signs. This was an issue with my self esteem, and I would have never admitted or acknowledged that I even had any type of “issue” while I was in that relationship because my judgment was clouded by my lowered self esteem. I was so busy trying to MAKE it work that I couldn’t see until after I was out if it how wrong it was for me. It wasn’t working because it wasn’t FOR me and because my self-esteem was lowered by settling for so long while I was in this situation it caused me a lot of hurt and a lot of tears and caused me to do things that I know were beneath me.

When you have a high self esteem it has nothing to do with being conceded or overly cocky. It has everything to do with simply Loving You….

Loving you enough to not settle. Loving you enough to know your worth. Loving you enough to be happy in the skin you are in, and to accept yourself even when others don’t. It is no one else’s job to love you more than you, and it certainly is no one else’s job to tell you what and who you should be, what you should look like, what size you should be, how the texture of your hair should be, what style of clothes you wear, or even who you choose to love. The point is to do the things within your best interest that make you internally happy and everything else will fall into place…. I promise.

The point of this blog is to encourage all my sisters reading this to step outside of yourselves for a moment….

Really think about things in your life and the validity of their existence. Think about the way you love yourself, because the actions that you fall accustomed to, and the people and energy you expose yourself to, and most of all the likelihood of you allowing society to dictate how you should appear to the world are all direct reflections of how much you love yourself.

The task at hand is you love yourself so much that no one thing or no one person can cause you to deplete that love. There is nothing that can cause you to question what is best for you or what loving you looks like. Loving you is an action fueled by genuine emotions to make YOU happy. This first has to be completed by yourself, before anyone else can have access to you.

As women we have to love ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally. How you feel about yourself is extremely important because it will directly effect what you allow for yourself and into your life.

Ladies…Loving you is the best thing you can ever do for yourself…do it right.

Until next time..

Peace and blessings.

La’Ray Renee