Convicted….My Story ( Part 1)

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woman wearing white strapless long dress standing beside green plants hanged on wall
Photo by Godisable Jacob on Pexels.com

 

                              **As previously written on larayrenee.blogspot.com

                                                                   on 1/15/15

 

Who am I,  and why am I writing this blog?  That answer is simple, because something in my heart tells me to do so.  I am a daughter, a sister, a mother, and a friend.  A 31 year old single mother from the south and I am absolutely certain, that someone can relate to my story. Like many women I have gone through what seems like hell and back….only, little did I realize up until this point that I have truly been blessed and highly favored by God. I have gone through a journey that many women have.  Had a baby young, split up with the father, worked full time to take care of a son, gone through relationships that failed, friendships that were tested, experienced love that seemed like the real thing only to be let down.

My trust has been tampered with and my faith in having the life I always wanted seems to be tested at times. I have always had a relationship with God, but honestly it wasn’t until 2014 that I truly began to feel a change in my mind and a change in my heart. Things I did no longer seemed “fun”. My priorities were rearranged.   The way I looked at life started to change.  I was told this was conviction. .

Conviction. Awareness of my own errors.  I became aware of the way I was living and it didn’t feel good.  I began to see that there was more to life than what I was involved in.  Something was changing in me and I needed to act on these feelings.  Like so many others, I was feeling overwhelmed. Taking care of a son and trying to teach him how to be a respectable young man at times seems difficult, but I’m doing it.  Working at a job that at times seems way too stressful to deal with, but I do it. Going through four years of school to earn my degree was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But I did it. Having friendships and personal relationships with women that were tested and seem to “run its course” hurt, but I got through them. Dealing with relationships with men where I feel like I am taken for granted, disrespected, used and hurt..but I got over them.

Through all these circumstances I’ve tried to use the quickest fix to get through the stress of it all. Partying, drinking, spending money, dating men, taking trips venting to friends, hiding out, cutting myself off from the world in the hopes of making it all just seem to be “okay”.  Only none of those things were working.  Why?  It was because those things are empty.  Sure it’s nice to live life and have fun but when there is something within you that is hurting you and you cant find the answer, those outlets will never fill that void.

Being invited to go to church one Sunday by a co-worker was going to change my life and I didn’t even know it.  I decided to take that offer up because it seemed like the cordial thing to do.  She extended an invitation so I accepted.  Why not?  Little did I know that this particular Sunday a message was going to be sent to me.

” If you’re new this Sunday, I am speaking to you” the Pastor says. ” There is a reason why you were brought here today.  “Maybe someone invited you”, he said.  “Maybe someone invited you today because Christ wants your heart.”  So did Christ want my heart?  Is that why I am here?  Today.  THIS Sunday.  The pastor talked about being in “your situation” and not being happy.  Yep.  He was talking to me.  I strongly believe that based on the order of my feelings and the way my life had been going it was time for me to be here.  It was time for me to REALLY seek the Lord……so I did……..

…….( to be continued.)