When it’s hard to love….

A perfect relationship. Non-existent. There is no such thing as a relationship without problems or issues that are bound to come up.  There are tests that must be passed.  Is the love you share with that special someone enough to withstand all the problems you are dealing with?  How long will you sit and ponder on the fate of your relationship because you feel as though the two of you are coming to a point in the relationship where it feels like it’s getting harder to love?

It’s easier to walk away from a relationship that is toxic.  It’s easier to walk away from a relationship that is degrading to who you are as a woman.  If the relationship is with someone that cheats on you, lies to you, abuses you, or just does not value you or the relationship the way they should, then it is easier to walk away. Sometimes.

But what if the relationship isn’t any of those things?  What if in fact, it is the very opposite.  You fee like you are with your best friend.  The one person that you can be completely comfortable with.  You can be yourself with this person.  He loves you for who you are.  He expresses his love to you in more ways than one.  He is happy to have you and feels lucky that you are by his side.  He wants a future with you.  He respects you, says he loves you, values you and treats you as the queen that you are…at times it feels perfect….

…but at times it does not.

Something holds you back.  You feel like you are being tested and faced with a block in the road. Do any of these sound familiar:

You are faced with learning how to love a man with a past that begins to surface, or you have to love a man that was hurt by a woman so badly that he seems to keep his guard up, but he’s great at breaking down your walls. (They are great at doing that.)

Or what if you are trying to learn how to love a man that struggles with hardships he’s had in life and in his career and the insecurities he has as a man begin to show their ugly colors. He wants more out of life financially so sometimes he takes his frustrations out on the world, including you.

Or maybe you are trying to live with a man that is so insecure at times that he desires to be with you almost every free moment that you have, yet sometimes you just want space, just some “me time” because women do just need that from time to time.

What if you are trying to love a man that loves you, yet he doesn’t seem to understand that as a woman there are certain things you need for him to fulfill.  You need a certain emotional touch that only he as your man can reach.  You need him to understand that you are fragile.  You need him to understand the very soul of you is sensitive and that you have moments when you just need him to be there, but he’s always busy working or his time is being taken up by other elements of his life and you don’t always feel like a priority.

What if you are dating the love of your life and the relationship has to be long distance?

I could list so many different scenarios but you get the point…it’s just hard to love sometimes.


bench nature love peopleSocrates said that those “that are the hardest to love need it the most. ” If it is hard to love someone that you can still see being with for the rest of your life then what do you do?  You love them the way they need to be loved.  You figure out the way that who you are as a woman, can love who he is as a man.  You do that with patience.  Be there for him when he needs you the most, and understand that if you feel as though it’s worth the effort, it is going to be tough at times.

I am not saying that you jeopardize your own happiness to be with this person, but I am saying that you decide what is important and you use that as fuel.  If you know that the person you love is the epitome of everything you want to be with for the rest of your life, then you need to begin to practice ways to make the relationship last.  That starts with communication.

Communicate to your significant other the things that are bothering you.  Be able to have an effective conversation that will express how you feel without criticizing.  Express it in a way that tells him what will make you happier in the relationship.  Express it in a way that will allow him to respond and receive your feelings exactly for what they are. Honest.

The word tells us that “love is patient and love is kind” so have compassion.  Sometimes when you think you know everything there is to know…you don’t.

You may have never known that your partner has been dealing with something he felt he couldn’t talk to you about.  Maybe something has happened in his individual life as a man, and because men want to appear strong, he hasn’t involved you.  This is why communication is so important in a relationship.

If and only if you feel that your relationship is worth the work, then I challenge you to be patient.  Easier said than done, but it happens to be the key to a lot of things in life.  Pray for resolution and answers to your issues. Pray that God touch your relationship and that he heal whatever needs to be healed and that he bless you with the understanding of the flaw, and that he bless your partner with an open mind to communicate and an open heart to heal.

close up photo of woman with curly hair
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I hope this helps.
La’Ray Renee