Why hurt people, hurt people…and the lesson you should learn.


It seems like no matter how hard you try to be a good person someone, somewhere will take that for granted right?

It’s like you try to see the best in people, and give the best of yourself to others but for some, that will never be good enough. Why? It’s like there is this target on the people that have genuinely good hearts, and the goal is to aim directly at them…and shoot.

That sounds dramatic but that’s because it is in a way. You could try your hardest to please the people around you and it will never be enough. Some people need more. More than even they are capable of providing themselves and often it’s because these very people have at some point been used as target practice themselves.

I’m sure most of you reading this have heard of the phrase “hurt people, hurt people.” There is so much truth about that. Here’s why….

When a person has had to deal with being broken at some point in life, or for many of us, at multiple points in life, they are prone to have this expectation of being hurt and so they begin to build this wall of armor up that will declare that no one else will be allowed to tear them down so then they become so hardened that they fail to see how this energy within them is affecting others around them.

This person will then begin to sabotage a lot of the relationships around them knowingly or even sometimes they are oblivious to the fact.  These types of people could have some of the most genuine people around them, people that are good for their lives, and unfortunately they will be so paralyzed by their own past experiences that they push what they actually need away.

This could be romantic relationships or even friendships.  A person could literally have exactly what they need in their life to break down certain walls that have been up for so long, yet be so cold within that they eventually push genuinely good people away.

For some of you reading this you can probably think of a person or two this could apply to but for some of you reading this…this is actually you.

You are who I am referring to and you know what that’s okay. It can be changed but you first have to realize the issue.

group of women and men standing on gray and white concrete floor
Photo by nappy on Pexels.com

When a person is so used to being let down or hurt they eventually begin to lower their expectations of people and find little use for them, or on the opposite end of the spectrum they raise their expectations so high that they will inevitably lose people of value in their lives because their demands within the friendship or relationships are ridiculously unfair.

How do you know if this is you or someone you know?

Let’s unpack this:

-They are easily frustrated by things that don’t go their way within a relationship.

-Everything seems to have an ulterior motive ( at least in the eyes of the beholder it is)

-The negative outlook on relationships is expectant before anything has even really began.

-Control issues.

-Major trust issues.

-There is only one clear perspective…theirs.

Does any of this sound familiar? Honestly the list could go on but to all fairness we have to realize that at some point these people or this person that you are thinking of likely has gone through some things in life that were designed to tear them down and though they may have moved passed it, there are still little pieces of their soul left with the damage and so for that reason it is going to take a person with understanding and a lot of patience to get through to them; and no it doesn’t excuse the behavior of hurting people but it should raise awareness as to the type of person you are dealing with.

It will take a lot more than long drawn out text messages or subliminal posts on Instagram to get through to them and it certainly won’t happen overnight.

Here’s where it gets interesting..some of these people are actually WORTH going through the motions with. Some of them are going to prove in the long run that they were worth the battle because they are going to be life long genuine friendships that you need or it’s going to be that one person you come across to feed your soul exactly what it needs. It’s just that first they will need YOU to help with the repair. Now please remember that by no means am I saying settle for harsh behavior or lower your standards of what you deserve in your life, I’m just saying to carefully evaluate the situation, the person, and the potential and see if there is a clear understanding as to why this particular person is so hardened.

So to provide you with a gem here , just remember this….life is about about living, loving, laughing, fighting the hard fights, finding the joy and ultimately  having the right people or person to do all these things with.  Is every person worth the frustration, certainly not.  You just have to find the ones that are and give everything you got because they need you and eventually you will see why you needed them.

Life is also about growth and when you can finally say  that you were able to “grow through” something and you see the change in YOU, it will all make sense why your world seemingly crossed paths with another.

Until next time,

Peace & Blessings

La’Ray Renee