So to set the record straight this is not an attempt to discourage those individuals that are working hard to maintain a long distance relationship but more so a collection of reasons why going forward with one, if you were to ever consider it is TOUGH.
So the list I’ve compiled is solely from my perspective because yep, you might have guessed it, I have tried and am currently in what the internet refers to as an “LDR.”
Also, for the record, this is not my first rodeo. I attempted at some point in my 20’s to try this thing out and it was actually a BUST, it literally ended after the very first trip out that I made to see the guy…but there’s no need to harp on that situation because it has been dead to me for years, however, now going into it again, I have greater insight on it because it has now been two years since I decided to give it another try and the biggest most important difference between the two situations is that, THAT guy wasn’t even worth it.
So shall I dive in?
1- Okay so for starters, and for the obvious reason, long distance relationships don’t grant you access to your partner when you may need them most. There will be times when you just physically need them with you, sometimes just for a hug and in that moment you have no choice but to carry on without them. You or they will potentially miss out on important events in life and you have to be okay with this.
2-You miss the fun in real dating. There’s something that can really be depressing about going home on a Friday night after a long week at work and missing out on the fun, and cute little date nights that you see your girlfriends going on with their S/O and you just sometimes wish that you could get your chance to get dressed up super cute and have a night out on the town with your mate. This would be the point where you begin to learn the whole “dating myself” thing.
3-Communication becomes a hit or miss. If you’re like me and my guy you have to learn to adjust to potentially different time zones. This often can become a great inconvenience because your schedules may overlap and finding the quality phone time becomes a task in the relationship…which brings me to my next point….
4- You only have technology. Now aside from the times that you are able to make trips ( however often that may or may not be) you guys will have to rely on essentially a virtual relationship. Granted, Facetime is a savior, but honestly it sucks for the person that speaks physical touch as their love language and can’t have what they desire. Find out what your love language is here!
5. You miss the intimacy. Yes the sex. We are all grown here right? You miss the sex, but even beyond the lack of sexual pleasure from your partner you miss the intimacy on many different levels. Even with the little things like a foot rub after work, a hug when you hear bad news, or just when you need that leg to throw your foot across to get yourself to sleep at night. Those are the things you miss. The romance is almost non-existent and for someone like myself that loves good ol’ fashioned romance, let’s just hope that between you and your partner at least one of you is REALLY creative. I know that I mentioned the dating and intimacy issue, but I feel like romance can be on a different level. Being in a long distance relationship will force you to think of and consider what romance is in a different way of retrospect to what you may have been used to.
6.It becomes a financial burden. Now maybe this reason doesn’t affect everyone and maybe taking flights or driving hours and hundreds of miles away may not be a big deal for all. However, for many, catching flights out of the state or possibly out of the country depending on your situation gets expensive. Especially during times when it’s the most convenient for you to travel like, holidays or spring break..these are the times when it’s most expensive to travel. Seriously, trying to look for a flight across the country during Christmas time..not a pleasant surprise in the least.
7. You must plan ahead all the time. So while this may not sound like such a bad thing, here’s why it can become annoying. When you always have to plan way ahead, for instance in order to get a better deal on a flight, or due to the availability of one of you or the other, there’s no telling what could happen or change in between time. You also will see that it makes it harder to do spontaneous things or cute little surprises. You also will find that the time you have together may be limited, and saying goodbye gets harder each time.
8-Your emotions can spiral. This can be one of the hardest things to deal with because it can be very hard to control your emotions, or that of your partner. They can be all over the place and drive you absolutely crazy because you just miss them. You literally just miss them.
9. The trust gets cloudy. This is a huge one, and will actually go hand in hand with what the last reason will be, but the trust will truly be tested. Even if you are a person that has never really had trust issues before, a LDR will most certainly bring you to certain points in the relationship where you question so many different things and begin to wonder if this other person is really loyal and trustworthy. Not being able to be near them takes a toll on you and just the thought of “not knowing” can begin to ironically..make you think.
10- So as I mentioned, this reason can fall under the trust but once you begin to question if you can trust this person to be loyal to you and carry themselves in a respectable manner, if for any reason that is tainted, you begin to question the whole existence of the relationship. You may begin to question if this emotional roller coaster you are on is even worth it. The scary thing is that you could potentially have a good person, but that distance has a way of creating these ideas in your head and could potentially make you push a good thing away.
So, to put everything into perspective, again this isn’t to knock down these types of relationships or to say that they are impossible, this is more like a list of things to consider before opening up the possibility of jumping into one. Whatever you decide to do just make sure that this person has shown you enough reason why embarking on this journey with them is a good idea. Make sure they are worth the lifestyle and everything else that you will begin to invest in the process and just make sure that there is a clear understanding of where the relationship is going. What is the end goal? Where are we taking this?
If you have a clear understanding of this and you have someone worth the effort, you may see in the end that it was worth EVERY step of the way.
Stay tuned for my top list of reasons why a person may in fact LOVE an LDR!
Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings