Okay so since it’s “Flashback Friday” and I often go back and see how far I have come with my blogging, I thought that today I would share a post I wrote called “Bag Lady”.
If you aren’t familiar search for a song by Erykah Badu- Bag Lady. This concept will be way more clear.
It was the very talented and artistic Ms. Badu (who happens to be one of my favorite artists) that said, “Bag lady you gone hurt your back, dragging all them bags like that. I guess nobody ever told you, all you must hold onto is you.”
I love that song. I love that song because it can represent so many different things to so many different women, all depending on where you are in life and what you are going through.
We are guilty of this right? As women we tend to carry so many different things at once because we are built to be strong. We are built to be independent and we are built to try and handle everything on our own, that no matter where we go… we bring all this baggage with us. Ladies, we have to stop doing this. It’s too much. We have to unload and live our lives. This blog is partially inspired by my own situation and I have suddenly come to the realization that I am carrying the burden of someone else in my life and I can no longer do this. By carrying the burden of someone else I mean by living as a single mother and still worrying about why other parties have a void. I haven’t chosen to completely get personal in my blog posts as of yet but, I’ll explain. The fact still remains I am a single mother and my son’s father and I are no longer together and never will be. But we still have a connection…my 13 year old son.
I am raising a young man and I have to say that I never thought in a million years I would be in the emotional situation that I am in today. Because I am hurt. I am hurt that my life as a mother didn’t turn out the way I thought it would when I was carrying my son. I thought like many pregnant women in love and in a relationship with the child’s father that I would end up happily ever after. Well my reality soon proved to be different. I am not going to make this post about my individual situation but I am using it as my fuel. Because you see, I have been so worried about the relationship between my son and his father that I have been carrying an extra burden that is not mine’s to carry. I have to live my life for me and my son. I have to treat OUR relationship as the only thing that matters.
I have been so worried about my son being raised to be the man I want him to be and I have been struggling with feeling like I can never do that because I am not a man. I have to unload this. I have to raise my son to be the best young man that I know he is capable of. I do this by teaching him things that I would want the man in my life to mimic. My son is going to be fine no mater what so today..I unload that bag.
But this is just one of my bags. I have been carrying so many and the truth is I am tired of carrying extra weight. So who can relate to this? I know that many women reading this know what it feels like to go day after day worrying about so many things that a lot of times we don’t even have much control over. That’s the sad part. We are worrying about people and situations that ultimately will prove to be dead weight so Sisters we must unload.
There is nothing you can do about that particular person that doesn’t seem to like you at work. Or maybe there is a situation with a family member. Maybe there are certain ways about them that you just don’t seem to understand and you constantly sit in a zone wondering why they are this way. How they can be so wrong in their ways? But guess what Sis, you can’t worry about that anymore. That’s not your burden to carry. That’s theirs.
Or what if there is a situation that you have been blaming yourself for, for quite some time now and you can’t seem to let it go. Have you been praying about it? Have you asked God for forgiveness? Have you made it a point to work on the ways of your life that may have led to whatever it is that you can’t seem to let go? Remember that God forgives us. He loves you no matter what.
And of course there is that relationship right? The one that you have been dedicating a part of your life to hoping that it becomes more and you can’t seem to be able to move forward without having the confirmation that it’s going to be what you want it to be. So in this space you constantly stress out and question the situation and more importantly you question yourself. You are wondering why this person doesn’t see you for the good woman that you are. Why are they so unaware ( or pretending) that they can’t see your greatness!
You lie awake night after night in deep thought. You do your best to try and prove to them how much you care and they still don’t seem to get it. That sounds like their loss not yours, so why are you carrying that bag Sis? Unload.
If a man can’t see the rare gem he has in front of him then that’s his burden not yours. I am not necessarily saying not to fight for what you want and believe in but I am saying that you can’t lose yourself along the way.
The lyrics at the end of the verse say that all you must hold on to is you. We must understand this and believe in this. We get so caught up in carrying the daily stresses of our lives and all the other baggage that we get ourselves involved in, that we sometimes lose who we are as women somewhere on the journey. It’s like your hands are full and your back is so strapped that while we travel this journey called life we drop and leave behind the bag with the most precious belongings in it, which is your heart, your mind, your soul, your pride, your strength, your sanity. You are the prize. Your are responsible for taking care of YOU before anything else because without you, how will anything else in your life grow? How will your children grow to be strong and independent? How will you advance in your career? How will you reach your goals? How will you get the relationship of your dreams? How will you move forward with your life from a past that hurt you, without you being the woman God designed you to be? You have to unload.