Okay this one is special. There’s something specific I want to ask of you reading this…
In fact, there’s a special challenge that I want you to take on if you feel like it will help to serve you, but I will get back to that later on….
As I’m sitting here writing this I’m reflecting on a few things. I’m reflecting on how for so long I neglected to do what I so clearly have a passion for now- I neglected to use my voice. I did so in a way that often times I would not express how I truly felt about a situation and for the sake of being a nice person, or just “going with the flow” I failed at simply saying “NO” to so many things and in the end I either stretched myself further than I needed to or I ended up losing sleep with the anxiety of wondering why I just wasn’t honest with myself and that person by saying such a simple word.
Except, it’s not always so simple right? It’s not simple because you want to be kind and you want to be there for other people and you do this so much so that you are willing to do it at your own expense. So when do we draw a line? When do create boundaries? When do we understand that saying no sometimes, has nothing to do with your character but more so to do with practicing a form of self care and awareness.
Point blank, we all have limitations. We can’t always be everything to everybody. We can’t always take on the burden of others and the purpose I hope this blog serves is to get you to understand that this is okay.
I mentioned the word boundaries. Boundaries are the limitations we have to setup that often times people seem to think are invisible. When someone in your life has become accustomed to your “yes” they will have a tendency to remain tied to that. In fact, they could lose their own boundaries. The boundaries they should have that makes them aware of when too much is too much.
Directly or indirectly this comes from a form of enabling that you’ve given them by simply not drawing your line in the sand and saying no sometimes. If you ever found yourself thinking over and over again about something you should have done or said instead of saying yes, chances are it’s weighing down on you. It’s like deep down you know it’s not right but you lost your power to say no.
You have to do what feels right. There are times when you truly feel like you’ve done a good deed or you’ve made the right choice in the situation but then there are times when you just feel uneasy. The times you feel pressured and walked all over. Almost a feeling of obligation from within that tells you because of who or what the situation is, I need to put my energy there like it or not, and that should never be your decision making process.
Understand that the power of your “No”means an opportunity to embrace your self care. It runs deeper for some of us. There are some women that are truly bending over backwards, stressing themselves out, and abandoning their own needs by always saying yes.
So earlier I mentioned a challenge. For the remainder of this month really be intentional. Be confident in your yes, and be intentional in your no. Stand firm in your reasoning and understand that if you do enough good in the world on a regular basis your good karma will always come back to you, so saying no when you’re tired or when you’re feeling taken advantage of, or when you just don’t feel your energy at it’s highest accounts for a lot. Sometimes saying no even comes in the form of not allowing someone to vent to you that particular day. Remember that we are all able to transfer energy to and from one another and some days may not be the best day to allow friends to pour out their issues to you because you have your own emotions you’re trying to balance that day.
So, back to my challenge, I challenge you this month to write down all the times this year (or as many as you can remember ) you felt like your no was necessary, but wasn’t given and instead you just sucked it up and said yes. When you have that list forgive yourself for not being there for yourself….and on the contrary to this challenge you can write down all the times you did say no and felt good about doing so and be empowered by those thoughts.
There is so much power in your no and you should never feel bad about activating it when necessary. I read something that said…
…you are the most permanent thing in your life. Choose you. Prioritize you. Love you.
That carried so much weight because people come and go. Things change, we change. There will be people that will look out for you, but no one will look out for you like you. Trust yourself enough to know what you need and make peace with your decisions.
Just my thoughts…
A Blog Queen