You ever held a beautiful rose in your hand, but you knew it had thorns so you acknowledged that and you were extra careful how you handled it so that you wouldn’t hurt yourself?
That concept is very similar to this thing I decided to call a double sided trigger…and Im not sure if that’s a thing or not but as I was in my zone listening to some of the most captivating love songs of my generation..I realized a certain nostalgia of one of the songs and suddenly it hit me…I remember the place I was in when I first heard the song away on a trip and the emotion that I was forced to pack up and take back home with me. That’s when it hit me that I have double sided triggers.
There’s levels to these triggers you know. There’s the type of trigger that tugs at your heart in a way that you feel sick. Sick as in emotionally sick. The feeling that your stomach forms a knot and you find it to be heart wrenching and you just want to rid yourself of it for good…but then there’s that trigger that reminds you of why you hold fast to certain toxicity like this in your life. It could be the feeling of passion and fun, comfort and familiarity. Or the feeling of possession or entitlement may also apply.
When you have put in so much time and energy into something you can’t fathom the idea of losing that “something” so you hold on to it for dear life, not truly acknowledging that even though all those other seemingly “good”feelings are wrapped tightly into it, so is anger and anxiety, fear and mistrust. This is a space where it’s only good for all the wrong reasons and will likely never be capable of providing you with much of anything that is right, but it still fulfills a certain part of your emotional attachment to it.
Double sided triggers are presented in your life to show you that even in your options you have more options. You can go one way where you’re unsure of the outcome and you face the uncertainty blindfolded. Or you choose another way where honestly you still don’t really know what is to become but it is likely your best route, but you still feel misguided. So then what do you do? See your triggers are a way of showing you the areas of sensitivity you have. They are like old wounds or injuries where even though it appears to be healed , it can still be sore if you press it too hard, and it can still cause underlying issues if you don’t take care of it properly. So how do we take care of triggers? And how do we manage the double sided ones? We take care of our triggers by never stop acknowledging that they are attached to an area of our life that once brought some form of destruction and so we have to heal from that by internally doing the work on US. By ultimately choosing ourselves first this time and being consistent in that effort.
Having a double sided trigger is knowing something is less on the side of need and more on the side of a want. It’s masking areas of toxicity with that insane feeling of passion, just like the beauty of holding tightly to a simple red rose with those thorns sharp enough to cut into us.
To have a trigger knowing that it’s because of something we were once negatively attached to is one thing, we often can see that clearly. But to have a double sided trigger and still feel the good intertwined with something so bad for us is another. No matter which way we experience it or look at it, we should acknowledge that having triggers is a sign of areas in our emotional state that have lost its control, lost its power.
So for that, it’s something to be extra mindful, extra careful, and extra aware of how we are reacting to it. Despite what feels like passion in a situation, never forget what this situation has done to you. In your weakest moments acknowledge exactly how you are feeling and even journal about them if you need to. You are now in the moment where you have to take back the control of your emotions and place them where you NEED them to be.
I know that unpacking the idea and complexity of a trigger can be a lot to do so I could never unpack all my thoughts in this one blog entry but I can just end my words to you with these thoughts….the power that you possess over your own emotions will sometimes be given away and you may be placed in a position of making choices that seem like the hardest ones you will ever have to make in life because of that power that you have shifted. The power that you would normally seek to find in any other normal situation and come out stronger than ever, but since this time is different you feel like you no longer own this power. Take it back. Take your power back and unarm your own emotions. You do this with your mind, with your standards, and with the acknowledgment of the value you hold over yourself and acknowledgement of ways you need to nurture who you are and what you need out of this lifetime.
This is the season of your life to invest in yourself. Pour back into you what you have so willingly poured into others. Try to shift your focus and get back to you. Remember that you can’t truly be good to or for anyone or anything else if you don’t consistently work on YOU. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Investing time into yourself can and will look differently for everyone but if you have time, take a look at this quick read on 5 Ways To Invest In Yourself to get some great inspiration.
I know it will be worth it.
Until Next Time, A Blog Queen
Roses are red…and violets are blue, but nothing is as important in this Universe than taking care of YOU.