Thoughts of a Blog Queen: That Time I Lost My “Crown”

How sometimes we choose less.

Do you remember a time or a season in your life where you can definitely say you deserved more for yourself? Or a time where you may have placed yourself in certain situations where you knew it was doing more harm than good? Or maybe you were in a situation that you didn’t even realize it wasn’t for you but because of who you are, you had high hopes for a promising outcome. You were sticking it out to see if it could have been more for you … because you wanted more. You expected more.

For many, whether they realize it yet or not, this is how individuals, struggling to find their place in dead end situations, lose their crown.

We want to find the “just right”. Find the everything. We want to feel a certain feeling and personally, the crazy thing for me was I did feel it. I felt the intensity of being completely and utterly consumed by a complex connection but at the same time feeling as though I were meant to be in this place in my life. I was connected.

Connected to energies that were sucking the life out of me day by day, month by month. But because I still identified what I would consider to be the beautiful mess of it, I stay captivated by this connection.

And let me attest to this, these connections feel solid.

They feel as though they are necessary.

But I saw the negative signs. I saw the breakdown in communication. I witnessed the toxicity, my own poor judgment, the shaky foundation and I still chose to relinquish my power to all of it. I wanted to face it head on. Fight it. Go to war for it.

I chose the idea of having something versus having nothing. I chose what I wanted over what I needed. And as time passed by, and after the storm had cleared I then realized, I chose…less.

I believe that as human beings sometimes we choose the path that is the most comfortable and we do this because we aren’t ready to feel the inevitable. We aren’t ready to face the reality of what is truly unfolding in our lives. The reality that what we once thought WAS…isn’t.

We aren’t ready to face being so wrong about something that felt so right.

To the woman that is struggling with anything similar to being connected to dead end energy. Realizing that she chose less in her relationships, friendships, or work environments…your awareness to this is the first step. Remember the mind & heart often leave before the body actually does.

Harsh truth approaching…

By understanding your role in this connection, and yet realizing the disadvantage you were putting yourself at by still choosing to nurture it, in a sense means that you made the selfish (to yourself) choice to lower your head and remove your own crown in this season.

But I want to tell you something..

You did this out of the capacity you have to face hard things. You were built to be strong but you were not made to have to endure selfish, manipulative pain and accept less than what you deserve.

The harsh reality is that yes, sometimes we choose less. We choose to meet people where THEY are instead of requiring that they rise up to the experience of having us in their lives.

I hope that once you realize how certain choices have the ability to impact you so deeply, you will become more in tune with and disciplined in setting boundaries you can be proud of.

But how do you begin to do this?

You do this by doing the necessary inner work and pair that with declining to waste any more of your valuable time with the likes of those experiences that you see and feel will hinder your growth.

You do this by understanding how self sabotage has now surfaced. By recognizing the flaws in your own self love and by making a vow to yourself to nurture and repair them by any means necessary.

So when you’re ready, place the crown back on your head and this time chin up. Balance yourself. Give yourself the opportunity to see the beauty in the growth and embrace it.

You will then forgive yourself for wrongly loving so beautifully and unconditionally this time.

Forgive yourself for extending your loyalty long overdue in the wrong connections, or for allowing your energy to reside in an environment that you knew wasn’t beneficial…and never be in position to lose that crown again.

Peace & Blessings

TOABQ